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What Kind Of Guy Culture Tells Us To Be And Why Ryan Gosling Isn’t That Great
I’ve narrowed it down to three different types of guys our culture predominantly tells us we should be like.
The Prolonged Adolescent: The Hangover
The prolonged adolescent is depicted very well in the movie, The Hangover. This guy is, according to Mark Driscoll, “A boy that can shave.” He is a man that is trying to prolong taking responsibility as long as possible so that he can remain young and have fun. Historically, there’s always been two stages in a man’s life; childhood and manhood. This had nothing to do with physical shape. It had to do with responsibility. Paul said in 1 Corinthians 13:11, “When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.” In today’s culture there is this middle stage of life between being a child and being a man, and the last thing we want to do is give up our childish ways. This stage is often reffered to as adolescence. It is expected and even appreciated by most American families. It is the stage when a man leaves for college and does things such as, “walks away from the faith for a while,” “sows his wild oats,” “lives and learns,” and “learns the hard way.” However, this stage of life, which shouldn’t be expected in the first place, is being prolonged even past college. I honestly don’t get why so many youth pastors act like it’s expected for their students to walk away from their faith in college. Why is that being preached? I mean why not walk away if you’re acting like it’s expected right? In many movies today there is this idea that you can proudly be this adolescent guy even in a marriage at the age of 40 (40 Year Old Virgin & Hall Pass). God has called us to take responsibility as men. There is no waiting until a certain life mark happens such as graduation, a professional job, marriage, or even retirement. Responsibility is something men must aim for as soon as possible. I know Call of Duty, ESPN, and Candycrush are cool and all but is it possible there are greater things to be done? Ed Cole said, “Maturity doesn’t come with age; it comes with acceptance of responsibility.”
The New Jock: Blurred Lines
Traditionally in America, in order to be a ladies man, you needed to be a jock. It didn’t matter if you were uneducated, as long as you were athletic and in good shape. Imagine Ethan from Lizzie McGuire. That guy was an idiot. But every girl liked him. However, I think there is a new kind of ladies man, which has less to do with physical build and more to do with confidence. Confidence is a good thing. Heck, it’s the reason so many good girls end up with bad guys; because the good guys weren’t confident enough to ask them out. The problem with a ladies man, much like the musicians in Blurred Lines, is that they change what it means to be a woman. To men like this, women are an object and a game. Worse, they don’t hide it and many girls go along with it. Girls that find their identity in the opinion of men are highly affected by men like this. They see the kind of girl that guys go for and they will change the way they look, dress, talk, and act so they can be like her also. Just look at the girls in this picture! That’s instegated by the approval of men, not women. Ironically, I think girls have more influence over guys like this than the guys have over the girls. The moment girls don’t let guys get away with their crap, these guys crumble. Lord willing, it forces us to mature.
The Good Guy: Noah
Let me start by saying that the previous two guys are promoted a lot more outside of the church, but this guy, he plagues the church. In my experience, the grand majority of girls I know date this guy. I mean why not? He’s a good guy! At least he’s not a bad guy! I guess the only problem with girls dating good guys is that we’re not called to be good. We’re called to be godly. So let me differentiate the two. One is a good leader while the other is a spiritual leader. One will go to church with you while the other is going to drive you to be more like Jesus. One passionately pursues you while the other passionately pursues Jesus. In the end, it all comes down to Jesus. I’m not saying godly guys are perfect. I’m not even saying good guys aren’t Christians. I’m saying, for godly guys, Jesus isn’t just some thing to them; it’s everything to them. It doesn’t describe them. It defines them.
I first realized how big of an epidemic this was a little over year ago. I shared a quote by Matt Chandler and it just blew up on social media. I couldn’t check my Facebook for a week because over a thousand people shared this picture, which just isn’t normal for me. The quote is spot on when it comes to “neat Christian boys” and godly men.
I thought Ryan Gosling was the perfect depiction of the good guy because he always plays that character in his movies. It feels weird to say something is wrong with Noah from The Notebook. But when you put things into perspective, his character is flawed as well. He lost the trust of Allie’s parents because he had her out too late, where he was actually about to sleep with her. He’s a drunk. When Allie returns, he has to break things off with a war widow he is sleeping with, which frees him up to cause an affair with Allie, who is caught half naked the day after by her mother. However, we skim over all this because he’s a good guy. I would even say he has good intentions. I asked a few girls that I respect what it is about Ryan Gosling and his characters that make him so desirable. Unanimously, they all agreed that the guy he normally plays always tend to have some big character flaw, but all that is overlooked because of one thing; he passionately pursues the girl he loves. So I guess the question is this, do girls want a guy that passionately pursues them or a guy that passionately pursues Christ? A man that is godly or a man that is good enough? I think Blue Valentine gives a good idea of what can happen when the relationship is fully based on each other rather than a foundation in Christ. In the moment it worked, but no significant other can hold the weight meant for God. Fortunately, there is a better role model for all this.
Jesus
This is the man we’re called to be like. Let’s be honest, this is not naturally desirable. It’s not popular, it’s not glamorous, and it’s definitely not easy. He was humble, he was strong, and he sacrificed everything. Jesus was marked by an unconventional, unconditional, unbelievable love this world has never seen before. He lived the life we were suppose to live and He died the death we deserved to die. Moreover, who models responsibility, confidence, and passionately pursuing someone more than Jesus?
This blog isn’t so much saying, “Don’t watch movies or TV.” But I think it’s very important to be cognizant of what image is being preached by pop culture. When I look at the types of guys our culture predominantly feeds us, I see parts of myself in all three. If we have a skewed image of what it means to be a man, it affects everything: our family, our friends, our future, our legacy. A man’s ability to lead a woman spiritually is completely dependent on his ability to follow Jesus. So ladies, don’t look for the man who will meet all your needs. Look for the man who will send you to the God who can. Because in the end, we can’t but He can.
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Written By : Grant Skeldon | Dallas, TX
Connect with Grant on Twitter or Instagram at: @GrantSkeldon
To contact Grant, for speaking requests, or for any more information, please visit grantskeldon.com
Gospelistic 
I agree with a lot of this. I see more boys that can shave than men that can teach. I think it’s funny you found Gosling to be a “good guy” because from watching Drive and that other one where Steve Carrel was a co-star, he’s definitely more of the jock than a “good guy”.
I never understood why some volunteers in youth use celebrities for “good guy” examples when there’s men like Joseph, Paul and Jesus in the Bible who put all other examples to shame.
Three astoundingly oversimplified, unfair, small-world categories to put people in. Also, the title is misleading, it should say Noah isn’t that great, plus in Drive RyGos is ‘the’ confident guy.
God uses all kinds of instruments to get people to heaven. This guy gives a shallow description of three guys with three personalities, and then says “girls don’t give these guys a chance because you know what kind of a guy he is and what kind of a guy you need to get to heaven.” You don’t know either of those things. God draws straight with crooked lines, so give people a chance to show you that they can lead you to God. Don’t just assume he’s a “confident guy” or a jokester, or just a good guy with the wrong intentions. The presumption in this article actually makes me sick
Either way, I was making the distinction that Gosling wasn’t exactly the “good guy”.
And last I checked, God only uses one way to get to Heaven that is through Jesus Christ. Unless you’re talking more about events, conversations and other similar dynamics to draw one closer to Him, then I understand that.
I don’t think the author was telling girls to not date these guys or they “won’t get to Heaven” because then that would be heresy.
While I side with the general theme of the article, I have to agree with Confident Guy. This is completely overgeneralized and unfair to most men, who are a little bit of everything.
Yes, there are some men who are still holding onto their youth and some overly confident womanizers, however our mighty God can use them and their flaws to glorify the Kingdom. We forget who God uses – Jonah was childish enough to think he could run away from God and King David was an adulterer and murdered.
I expect the man I will marry to be a combination of Hangover fun-haver, confident and cool, nice guy Noah, and everything else in between. He’ll be a sinner, as I am a sinner, but he will still be a Godly man and spiritual leader for our family.
You’re smoothing stuff away here. The assumptions that you make of his writing were not completely unexpected in the least, however interesting they are. A good thing to mention here is that you should not missionary date anyone. I can tell that this is the general direction you are most likely trying to discuss at this point. Besides the overbearing idea that the point of Christianity is to get into Heaven (which is not the point of Christian life, but rather an aspect of where our lives are heading), it would seem that you seem to focus on being an instrument to lead them to the Lord so you can either feel safe dating them, or pursuing them in a relationship aspect. Let me remind you that Jesus Himself said to not be unequally yoked. To be with someone who is not claiming to know Jesus is like a vegan dating a carnivore, and trying to turn them vegan. The chances of it happening are very small, indeed. Girls should not be going out with someone that is not focused on Christ first, and foremost. The Christian man is to be leader of the household, not only in providing, but in leading the home in Christ likeness, if you truly are following the Lord. If you are with a man that is unwilling to do this, there will be division and a lack of peace in your family. If you had read what kind of a guy the girl needs to be going for (following after Christ, pursuing Jesus’ cause instead of our own) you would have known this. If you are going to follow Christ, one important thing that He said is to “Deny ourselves, pick up our cross, and follow after Him”. If you are more willing to follow the world, and what the world says or wants, you have no place with Christ. That is where faith begins. The foundation of a Christian’s life. If you do not have a solid foundation then life is meaningless, especially if you claim belief in something and do not follow it in the littlest of things.
I agree with you completely, and hope people do not take this article to heart. Such a sad oversimplification. Think of the doubt you have now put in great relationships because of a mans imperfections. I implore everyone to take this article with a grain of salt.
I completely agree! I was raised in a home that was strict on dating. As for me im 17 about to be going off to college, and ive never been on a date, never dated,never kissed, and never even held hands with a man. I was blessed to be raised to reserve all of my self for a Man who would love me enough to love Jesus more than he would ever love me. It breaks my heart as i see girls settle all to fast for some boy. im always reminded of the scripture in Song of Songs i believe its 2:7 to be exact, but it says ” I urge you young women, by all the gazelles and wild deer. Do not stir nor awaken love until the time is right.” And that one scripture has kept me in the mind set i have. The one thing i was always told growing up was, if that man isn’t your husband you have no right making romantic ties to him. It disrespectful to you, your spouse, that romantic interest, and their future spouse.
I love your comment!
to Sheila 🙂
” if that man isn’t your husband you have no right making romantic ties to him.” Good luck finding a husband without making romantic ties first. You’re living in a fantasy land, babe
Confident, Sheila is absolutely right. It is not fantasy. It is not impossible. It is what Christ has called us to be like. I dream and even pray that I will find a wife that has this exact mindset. I believe when Sheila says “romantic ties,” she means saving yourself for marriage. THAT is only intended for your spouse. Also, as she has implied, marriage is a ministry. Your ministry to one another, to serve your spouse as Christ served His Father 2,000 years ago. Great comment Sheila.
Interesting that you’re talking down to people with the tagline of “Confident Guy” but not actually broadcasting your name.
I’ll have to agree here with confident guy. This article is extremely shallow and vague, and offers little to no scriptural representation. Sure its good to have an “opinion” and observe from church culture. But the fact is, not all men fit into these three categories. As a woman wants her husband to be the representation of Jesus in their home they have to realize that Jesus had many faces…not three categories. He was confident. He was jealous. He could display Righteous anger. He was a romancer. Not a good guy, or a jock, or adolescent. And if you are trying to “find Jesus” in a man, you have many other problems in life other than being extremely naive. We struggle together to be more Christ like and put each other above our own wants and desires to ensure that each of us is walking out our faith to the best of our abilities. Also, “romantic ties”…kind of confusing as there has to be a level of romantic interest in a mate before you even start dating/courting.
Sheila, I have never posted on a comment section like this before, but your post caught my eye. Let me start off with: you are indeed blessed that you still have your innocence and that you were raised to know your worth. What I’m about to say, I am saying because you need to keep these things in mind as you leave home. This is not an attack; it is for your good. I hope you are not offended, but rather challenged in a good way…Be careful in college because the moment you think you are above sinning & you are beyond giving yourself to a man before marriage is the moment you will fall into that sin. (1 Cor. 10:1-13) You’re not beyond it & it has little to do with how you were raised. It becomes your own decision. Your parents can instill truth in you for 17 years, but if you don’t truly believe that & if you think you would not fall into that trap, you really need to be careful. Instead of being proud of all the good things you have done, be proud of what God’s grace has done in your life/ boast in that, and put on some armor for the war you are headed into. (Eph. 6:10-20) Take what you have quoted to heart & do not awaken love until the time is right. There are many scriptures to back up the fact that God will rescue His children in time of need and that He gives us everything we need to fight temptations. But we aren’t robots and you will always have a choice. And when you choose the right thing, praise Him for the good work He has done in your life.
Jill- That comment was pointless. She never hinted that she was beyond sinning or that the glory wasn’t God’s. You may have been trying to be helpful but that wasn’t and if this really was the first time you commented on something like this then you probably shouldn’t do it again.
Thanks for sharing Shelia, your story shows that self control is possible (with God’s grace) in a world that desperately needs it.
Say that she has preserved her innocence this far. Is she supposed to wait until the man comes and finds her? How do you know when you are supposed to “awaken love”? So the girl should never pursue the guy? this stuff is confusing.
All I can say to this post is “amen”. I think your assessment of the culture, what it encourages and what it produces, is spot on. The sad thing is that we all confuse our God shaped hole as a craving for the spouse who will fulfill all our needs and in the end this will always lead to disappointment. Thank you for sharing, very well said.
I dunno…I still kinda like Ryan Gosling.
So as much as i agree with what is being said in this article (dont take that the wrong way, im not being sarcastic, i completely agree) I think its a cheap shot putting “Why ryan gosling isnt that great” in the title. This post addresses nothing about Ryan Gosling as a person. It talks about characters he has played in movies, mainly focusing on one movie. If anything you could talk specifically about why Noah from the notebook isnt all that great. I cant help but feel like the title is just using Ryan Gosling’s name to pull views. Blue Valentine like stated above can be used to show couples how dangerous marriages not centered around God can be, its an extremely emotional movie which in my opinion was very well made, so should Ryan not have taken the role because the character he was going to be playing was flawed? Of course not, as an actor his job is to play a role to the best of his ability, which he did in Blue Valentine and in The Notebook. He shouldn’t be talked less of because he does a good job of portraying honest men who make real mistakes.
Yeeeah I’m with you, I definitely enjoyed a lot of aspects about the article but dishonest titles = moderately lame.
I don’t know if I would say “dishonest title”
I’m a female, young adult. When I hear “ryan gosling” i think of the ultimate good guy, loving, would buy me a teddy bear for fun. you know? no. wait. you don’t… at least I hope you don’t!
I get where he was coming from naming the article that. But you are entitled to your opinion.
I totally agree with this! In my opinion, regarding Christian girls, the “good guy” can be the most dangerous. Because at the end of the day, where is your worth found? With a good guy, it’s found in the relationship, and a Godly guy finds his worth in something much more everlasting. However, no one is perfect, and sometimes we let each other down and relationships can take a turn for the worse. A good guy would fall apart, but a Godly man, he is not shaken because his foundation is built upon the rock. I just loved this article. Wonderful job! 🙂
Reblogged this on at my fingertips and commented:
This kid knows what he’s talking about. Proud to call him a friend.
This is remarkably accurate. And it’s amazing how once you reach the point of being mature enough to start heading toward marriage with a young woman, you begin to see just how far you have to go (I’m getting married on September 1st, and every new day provides another test on the journey to biblical manhood).
However, I would like to point out that The 40 Year Old Virgin, while certainly not Christian, pushes a sexual ethic much closer to the Christian one than most “romantic” films. The whole point of the movie could actually be encapsulated with Proverbs 14:12–“There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death.” The message of the movie is two-fold in that (1) sure, it’s fun to engage in pre/extra-marital debauchery, but it will leave you feeling empty, and (2) you’ve got to grow up, become a man, and leave behind childish things if you want to find the right woman.
All of that being said, the movie revels in bathroom humor and employs sex for A LOT of its laughs. It’s certainly not the epitome of puritan sexual values. Christians, hear me clearly: I DO NOT RECOMMEND WATCHING THIS WITH YOUR KIDS. My only point is that it doesn’t service your point very well.
I so completely agree! I am a 31 yr old Single woman waiting for a Godly man. These days they are few and far between. Ok really far between. But I have the privilege(?) of having been in a relationship with someone ( who was a mixture of the first two listed on this post,) when I was in rebellion and not walking with God.
I very much remember the pain and the mess that was. I would rather be single and a little lonely right now, and wait for a man who loves Christ, who will teach our children about Jesus, and who will model the walk for them, than to be with the wrong one. Having been there I can firmly say it is NOT worth it. And whether you believe it or not, or want to admit it, settling for them will do nothing for your own walk with God.
Reblogged this on It's not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts. and commented:
Worth sharing. Girls, you might wanna read this. 😉
I personally think girls should want a guys who does both. Thought I have always felt that if a guy is really pursuing Jesus he’ll pursue the girl he realizes is a godly woman.
I think the reason girls respond to being pursued is because that’s the image of Christ pursuing the church.
I feel like all this is saying, is that if you aren’t godly you’re a bad person to be with.
While I very much agree with the text of your article (7 times much more so and the mother of 11 daughters) I am very grieved that you felt it necessary to include a very risque picture of 3 women in various states of undress. And you didn’t just post the picture you exhorted your readers (at least half presumably male) to “just look at the girls in this picture.” It is for my 4 sons AND my 7 daughters that I ask that you make you points without exploiting women and putting lust causing material before men. Don’t they get enough of that everywhere else, not only on the net, but everywhere in our culture? Do they have to see it here, too? And from a brother? Please, you are better than this.”Better to tie a millstone around your neck and be cast into the sea than to cause one of these little ones to stumble.” The fact that you saw nothing wrong with posting this in a christian article urging God’s mind on men and women and marriage show how far even we as Christians have come from seeing women AND men as made in the holy image of God. Please, kindly consider removing the provocative image from the blog to spurn on men and women to godly relationships and a godly view of one another. Would you want your daughter or your wife or your mother exposed in this way?
Loosen up. Those women chose to dress that way, and I can almost guarantee you they don’t feel this “emptiness” that uptight people claim women feel when they expose their natural bodies. A woman’s body is NOT taboo.
Does that therefore mean he ought to choose that as an example and allow evil into something that is meant to be uplifting? Even if it isn’t as bad as it could be, if their is potential of hurting even one believer, is it worth it?
Lisa, you CANNOT make the world go away to protect your young children. This is where we live, these images reflect the reality of our worldly culture. Scripture states that you would have to take yourself out of this world in order to not associate with ugliness. You’d job is to teach your children to live godly lives in an ungodly world. The sooner you start, the easier it becomes later when they will indeed be tempted.
I guess it’d be OK to post even worse then, or women wearing skimpy bikinis because that’s our “culture”? There is no end to that reason, and I’m sad that you would rebuke Lisa for wanting to protect us as believers, and keep what is meant to be sacred hidden. I wouldn’t want to show my kid (if I had one) a picture of scantily clad women and tell him “hey bud grow up! This is our culture just make sure you don’t lust!”
How discrediting to men that viewpoint is. Men have self control, they are not constantly and uncontrollably aroused by female bodies. Lust is not an outside force, it’s internal and self-directed. Men and women can be aroused by things they see, but they’re also capable of putting that in perspective and choosing what to do with that beginning at puberty.
Well mate, how discrediting that viewpoint is to God. Men are unable to control themselves in any way. We are a deprived and a fallen world. Living in sin, as Romans 3 says, “there is none who righteous not even one, there is none who seeks God, no not even one, there is none who do good.” So if none of us either want God nor can do good, how can you expect us to control ourselves? Except through the Grace of God! Whom controls our every breath and action! Any good done is credited to Him and Him only! I agree lust is a heart issue, its ruled by the flesh! Can we control our flesh? In no way! So how can we control our lust? There is no putting something into perspective, unless you believe, for example, nude art is just “art” right? It isn’t meant to be sexual! Ahh but it is, and even if it wasn’t it still would cause someone to lust. Unless that man (or women) is able to control his lustful passions? I hope this all makes sense to you.. I wish not to seem self righteous but to tell you what the Scriptures say. And defend His Word.
To the post below:
Ryan, you believe that men cannot control their flesh? This is extremely disconcerting considering that… Rape Culture is not okay.
Also, believe it or not, that was the clean version of that music video! Be glad those girls had anything at all on in that picture…
Amen. Thank you Ma’am. Couldn’t have said it better myself. Otherwise a great article.
I’m with Lisa on this one. Very good article, but discernment would say to choose another picture, less provocative. Just some loving words of encouragement to the author. I’m a Christian husband and father in his mid’ 20’s and can’t say that I was edified (built up) by the picture. (Romans 14:19; 1 Cor 10:23)
Again, otherwise great article. Thank you for blessing the church with this needed reminder!
Lisa, I’m glad someone else agreed! I saw the picture and immediately skimmed down the page to avoid it. Thinking, “man that’s a bummer, wish he wouldn’t have posted that, disappointing too.” It’s not all surprising though, considering he seems to have watched all of these rough movies, as most Christians would because no one tells them that it isn’t thinking on the things Above – Philippians 4:8, nor filling their minds with Godly thoughts. And his speech was ignoble. These few hints show some of his character (not necessarily his heart, as I used to speak ignobly yet still desired truth and Gods Word). Its sad to see even fellow brothers and sisters fall into the culture and think its all OK. As for Lacey, Pat, and Sunnyside I’m disappointed you all are being so harsh on Lisa for wanting to protect what’s sacred. Grant in no way should find it appropriate to post that picture. Especially if it only hinders a fellow believer. If you guys are Christians I’m disappointed you would treat her that way. I felt the exact same way Lisa.. Keep on trying to protect your kids (not over protective that is) and growing them to be more Holy! As THAT is why we are here.
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Awesome piece! I like how you conclude it too: “So ladies, don’t look for the man who will meet all your needs. Look for the man who will send you to the God who can. Because in the end, we can’t but He can.”
Keep it up and God bless you more! 😉
I’ve never thought of things this way. This is a wonderful thing for everyone, especially ladies to read.
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This is absurd. The whole post is trying way too hard to come across as mature. Point is there are different types of guys, some have an outrageous sense of humor and like video games…that doesn’t make them childish and doesn’t automatically rule them out “not godly” Lighten up! I get an overwhelming sense of Grant trying to woo women himself with this post and his…”This is what a real man looks like…I happen to be that by the way ladies…” Note the heavy use of sarcasm…also not automatically a damning trait for “Godly” men…Nice try Grant.
I felt the same way at first, but look at it Biblically. He is really just pointing out what cultures is approves of and how women shouldn’t fall for that and go for the guys that lead them spiritually. Which most don’t. And don’t be quick to judge him. That’s very demeaning.. could his post been said better? Yes, but that comes with maturity, which if he is a believer he will hopefully grow and be given more discernment.
I think this is super freaking legit.
Thank you
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Interesting thoughts but… Gamers = Immature? I think you are generalising a bit too much in your post. I am a 34 year old male. I am a husband that fulfills my role in my marriage as husband and I am a regular church-goer and I even studied theology at a seminary. Even our church pastor and some of the men in our church have game nights where we play games and we enjoy ourselves. Please don’t make generalisations and assumptions. You will lose more credibility and respect than gaining.
The writer of this article is painfully out of touch- and if I were to take a wild stab in the dark, probably fantasizes about young girls.
Great article. As the father of three daughters (and one son), my prayer is that they all marry Godly men – not just a “churchgoer,” but a man that puts Jesus first in his life. Don’t even date a man (or boy) that does not meet this basic requirement. Also, as clearly stated in the article, don’t count on your spouse (husband or wife) to meet all your needs – both are human and it just won’t happen.
Reblogged this on Beholding the | GLORY. and commented:
Great Friend, and incredible post! Such wisdom from this young man, and I am blessed to call him a brother in Christ!
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There’s just as many bad girls as there are bad boys. I’m 53 and I’ve dated a lot of women and I can personally attest to this. I’ve even known women who claimed to be Christians who were worse than non-Christian ones. I have always been romantic, cared for the woman I’m with and treated her well, but in the end none of that matters. What truly matters (as Jesus Himself tells us in Matthew 6:33) is seeking God instead—making Him first above all else, making Him the love of your life and doing what pleases Him. If you do this I can guarantee your life will be more peaceful, more pleasant and much more fulfilling than seeking after some woman (or guy).
Ryan Gosling is a saint…
I feel as if this article is encouraging discrimination. Let’s start with the title. “WHAT KIND OF GUY CULTURE TELLS US TO BE AND WHY RYAN GOSLING ISN’T THAT GREAT”
The media has a powerful influence on the masses; its a form of communication. We as humans are in constant contact with one another in more ways than one (i.e. digital gadgets, social media, television, news and politics) because we’re consistently sending messages and trying to portray an image.
Pop culture is one of the easiest ways to gain attention. Celebrities, musicians, socialites and artists have been known to glorify certain images and an ideal lifestyle. Having said this, I feel as if its simply an artists expression. By expression I’m referring to the way the artist “paints their picture.”
We know that the old time artists all had their different styles and techniques of painting and depicting images using paintbrushes and other tools. Its then framed and displayed for everyone to see and critique. Its the same thing with pop culture. Everyone will have their opinions. You don’t walk into an art gallery and suddenly get influenced by what that artist painted, you look at it, form your opinion and move on.
So, if we’re “called” to live a godly lifestyle, why are we even paying attention to what culture is saying? Should we not be influenced by culture if not at all since we’re pursuing something greater?
Let’s set the characters that Ryan Gosling portrayed aside. First of all, he’s an actor, a different type of artist.
Now let’s look at him subjectively:
He’s handsome and attractive. He’s very successful and talented at what he does. Surely he’s had help getting to where he’s at today, but who wouldn’t want that kind of man? Who wouldn’t want to be pursued by him passionately? Who wouldn’t want to BE that kind of man?
Yes, he is flawed. Everyone is flawed. How can a man who is flawed strive and drive to be something that is perfect?
How do we know that pursuing a woman or pursuing a man rather than God is not pursuing God at all?
Didn’t God create woman for man so he won’t be lonely?
Didn’t God design us to be connected with another?
God understood that Adam was lonely when it was just the two of them. That’s why He designed Eve, or rather a “partner.”
So by pursuing a woman and being a “nice guy” rather than pursuing God and a “godly lifestyle” makes one “not that great?”
Let’s stop blaming culture and Ryan Gosling and start by looking in the mirror first.
If you read Scripture its all over the place, Proverbs 31, 1 peter, etc. Those are the kinds of men and women we as Christians should searching for. Not Ryan Gosling. I would much rather be unsuccessful and unattractive and be the Godly man that God calls me to be then Ryan Gosling.. A man is able to strive and drive because God has tendered our hearts and allowed us to do good! As before we were saved we were not able to do so -Romans 3.. And that’s what we should be striving for, what Christ tell us to be! Please go back and re-read what God us to do, the men and women we NEED to be and ought to look for.
We are all influenced by our culture. Just as a glass of milk that has a yogurt culture introduced into it will turn to yogurt itself if left in the right incubation conditions, so we turn into images of our culture when left to incubate in that culture. God tells us to go into the world and preach the gospel of repentance for the remission of sins, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever “I have commanded”. Christians are supposed to be the culture of the world that transforms the world into the image of God by the preaching of the gospel. We are all influenced by our culture. If our land is filled with the shedding of the blood of the innocent, lying, stealing, cheating, adultery, fornication, abominations, wars and rumors of wars, it is because the light has become darkness and the salt is no good. Repentance is the only course of salvation for the world or for the church. Repentance is a response of a willing heart to the preaching of the gospel and to the hearing of the word of truth rightly spoken. Repentance is the only solution available and it must be re-cultured into this lost and dying world if one wants to save it. Thus, Peter’s words “save yourselves from this untoward generation” … “repent and be baptized every one of you”. Our own peace depends upon our going into all the world and preaching the gospel of repentance and the salvation of the future generations will be affected by the choices we make.
Too many here are picking at the semantics and arguing about the personalities. This article is not about Ryan Gosling, although his name is in the title. A “mistake” by the author by using Ryan’s name? Maybe, but don’t get hung up on that – that is not the point; he was just used as an example (actually, maybe just a character he plays). The “men” modeled by our pop culture leave something to be desired. Just go back and re-read the last two paragraphs; it is pretty simple to get the gist of the article.
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Well let’s take a look at the flip side of this coin shall we? I am currently writing a book called “31 and Still Single.” The book basically focuses on my experience and some of my friends’ experiences dealing with being a “Godly Man” in search or a “Godly Woman.” While me and my friends are not perfect saints we would all be considered good Godly men.
What we have found is that women today, especially within the church, have no clue how to handle Godly men. This article talks about how pop culture influences men . . . let’s look at the flip side of that. Women naturally are WAAAAY more influenced by pop culture, in and out of the church. Our best estimate is that because of this, women have no clue how to A: Spot a “Godly man” and B: Know what to do when they do meet this guy.
Women have set their standards so low that when a guy not only meets her standards but exceeds them, she doesn’t know what to do with the guy. When I hear women describing a guy as “too _____” and those characteristics are POSITIVE GODLY characteristics, then something is wrong with the girl, not the guy.
There is a flip side to every coin. I just figured I’d give a short 2 cent flip side to this subject. Women also need to be worthy of being pursued.
Your comment is true and I enjoy reading what you have to say, because there are two sides of every coin. When you write an article just as well as this one was written, let me know so I can read it. Would love to see one about women!
It took me a moment, but I do appreciate your comment and think it is probably the standard view of the average 31 year old church-going (may or may-not-be God-seeking) guy.
Women are not so easily influenced by pop culture that they don’t know how to spot and handle Godly men. Most women (speaking of those in their 20’s & 30’s) know exactly what they want and for what they are looking. What men need to realize is that it can have nothing to do with them personally. Meaning, either she is seeking a Godly man – which requires that she seek this wisdom and discernment directly from God, and she will find what she is looking for according to God’s will working through her – or she is looking for attention and finds her self worth through interacting/flirting with men. It is not that she doesn’t know what to do with a Godly man, it’s that a relationship was never her intention. Just as easily as guys can go to church and not be seeking the heart of God, girls can do the same. It doesn’t mean they don’t know what they are doing, it just means it’s the wrong girl. It sounds like a trap I see all too often: guys pursue the girl that is flirting (who is getting exactly the attention she is looking for, though she has no interest in you, SORRY!) rather than the girl that is passionately pursuing the heart of God.
If you’re writing a book, step back from the church dating scene so you have no personal ties to the situations around you. Let go of thinking you have to find the perfect Godly woman; it frees you up to do God’s work. But then watch. You will get to see God bring people together in a way that glorifies Him, and you watch in anguish as others go about interacting in a way that meets their own needs. I promise you though, it’s usually just a handful of girls in a sea of those seeking His heart. It’s just that those are the ones surrounded by guys.
Preach spirituality, not religion
I think that this is perfect. I spent several years dating someone who passionately pursued me, but not God. In the end, I wasn’t “worldly” enough for him. Now that I’m not in love, I see the negative impact he could’ve had on my future kids and on my future happiness. He’s a “good guy” but he refuses to seek Jesus first. I do think that women should be passionately pursued, but not as passionately pursued as God.
Couldn’t agree more with this article. It’s about time boys learn how tone Godly men rather than good boys who date around with little conviction. I’m so glad I set my standards high for a man who loved God more than he loves me. I fell in love with his passion for God & there is nothing more attractive in a guy. I nearly settled for a good Christian guy n if I had I would never have been happy & fulfilled, I’d have settled n become complacent n would feel the pressure to be a spiritual leader in the relationship or eventually back slide, not into sin but into being just a Luke warm church goer. More guys & girls need to read this & not get nit picky & offended but learn from it n grow up n put Jesus first.
To be frank, I’m confused about who this article is written for. Is it for young women seeking Godly men? There are dozens of books on the market which already deal with this issue in far greater detail than this short blog post. I know. My sister owned and read most of them, and yet she still managed to make mistakes before finding her husband (it’s almost like humans are fallible…). Is this article for young men? How is it useful for them? Painfully general and obvious statements about the negative portrayal of men in mainstream media and its effects on a modern audience are hardly instructive. It seems as if this entire article could be reduced to some cookie-cutter “WWJD” meme.
I understand where you’re coming from. I don’t think there has to be a set audience. Why can’t anyone read it? My friends have had bible studies based off this article. And guess what? They were guys! How crazy is that? They obviously found it useful and I feel like a lot of people found this article useful as well. It seems that it took balls to write this article. Not a cookie cutter.
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Reblogged this on Daughter of a King and commented:
Such an amazing post!
Reblogged this on Diary of a Mad Single Girl and commented:
Seriously Ladies… this is some good truth about what type of men we should be looking for. Check it out!
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Grant, if a guy is pursuing Jesus does he have time to pursue a woman who is pursuing Jesus?
I’m not Grant, but can I pitch my two cents?
🙂
I think that he will have time. I mean, he’s got all eternity to take a break and rest.
Reblogged this on die to live and commented:
This is what I’m saying! He’s speaking the words of God right here.
Reblogged this on READY I SET I FREDDY and commented:
Yes. Yes. And Yes.
You definitely don’t have to be religious to be happy just saying.
Rock on Max. Couldn’t agree more.
At the end of the day, it’s not about who is more “godly” or who follows the path of Jesus or any religious icon. It’s about treating others – and the planet – with kindness and respect. You don’t have to go to church to understand the differences between right and wrong, honesty and lies, or love and hatred.
Poor talkative Christianity. Shut up and take action. If you’re a real man, you take responsibility for your own thoughts, your own impulses, your own fantasies, your own actions. If your wise enough to not hide yourself in a “safe” homogenous “Christian” bubble, and accept that you live in the real “scary” world, then you’re probably going to come head to head with some difficult challenging ideas, philosophies, and images at some point. Hopefully you have the backbone and integrity to put the pressure on you and only you for how you choose to let the implications of your faith carry itself out in your actions. Quit blaming women, the media, or our culture for your inherent weaknesses. That’s what cowards do. Want to think, act, do better? Accept your weakness, offer it up to God, and make better choices.
Wow. More sexist crap coming from your demented Christian world. So women need men to find God? Women need men to lead them spiritually? All of you women posting who agree with this drivel need to get your head checked. Any woman who believes the sexist, belittling lie that she needs to be “lead” spiritually by a man must think really low of herself–to believe she is actually inferior. You really believe an all powerful God made women spiritually inferior? You people are sick. Check yourselves.
Hi Not sick like you,
I’m not a hater, I’m not one to bump heads, so here’s my response to you because I feel like you deserve one.
I don’t think he ever said that women need men to find God. In fact, I know he didn’t say that. If you’re in the Word, if you’re in a Christ-centered community, you’ll learn that men are responsible for leading. It’s not sexist. It’s not saying women can’t do it. It’s saying that it’s man’s ROLE. As for women, they must allow the man to lead and step up beside him. Notice that in Genesis when God created woman, He didn’t use part of man’s feet, He used man’s rib – right in the middle of his body. Women aren’t to be trampled on, they are to be respected, yes? I believe women should be held responsible for their spiritual walk, but in marriage, it’s the man’s responsibility to lead.
I am a women and I think Grant makes a point that isn’t spoken of often because of criticism. But hey, it’s the gospel and he’s spoken straight from the bible.
For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.
Ephesians 5:23 ESV
Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness. I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet. For Adam was formed first, then Eve; and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor. Yet she will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith and love and holiness, with self-control.
1 Timothy 2:11-15
To the woman he said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.”
Genesis 3:16
Check yourself…. and your bible 🙂
Yes, I married a Godly man who went on to physically and spiritually abuse both me and our two sons. And when we were finally divorcing – after he had tried to kill me because I stood up for myself and felt that he ought to spend our money on our home rather than his gold watches and rings and new suits for church and guns for his collection – he went on to become an extreme right-wing Christian. My sons would go to visit him and try to talk to him about normal ‘guy’ things, but all he would do is preach at them about “getting right with God.” When my sons needed a human father to counsel them with real-life problems, their ‘Godly’ father would conk them over the head with the Bible, and then tell them that they were going to hell if they didn’t act exactly like him. Oh yeah, we had a Godly Christian man in control of all of us, and he definitely did influence my children. I have survived and am still a Christian, happily connected to God by myself as a mere woman, but my two sons didn’t fare so well: One is a drug addict, the other one is dead from an evident suicide. They both knew God and were baptized Christian, but what they really needed was their father.
The man you described is NOT godly. I am sorry about your life and family. What you experienced is a distorted view of Christianity. Please don’t blame God or Christians for this tragedy. Look to Christ and the truth in His Word for healing. Christ and his truth is a far cry from your experience.
Most of the more abusive, selfish and all around disgusting men I’ve known in my life have also happen to consider themselves “Christian” or “men of God.” Honestly ladies, stay clear of men of faith. They are brainwashed drones.
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Grant!! You are awesome!! This is DEAD on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🙂 and it’s very clear that the Holy Spirit is leading you, guiding you, and speaking through you especially considering all of the criticism!! I can’t wait to read more of your posts!!
I’m just wondering if you realize how demeaning it is to women to suggest that they need to be “lead” spiritually by men? The implications of that are troubling, to say the least. No wonder Christianity is becoming increasingly irrelevant. The majority of couples are looking for equal partnerships, not outdated, sexist gender hierarchies.
My idea of a “good” or Godly man would be a man who treated me like his partner, his equal in life, not somebody that he has to “lead.” I’m an adult, thanks, not a child.
Hi Not sick like you,
I’m not a hater, I’m not one to bump heads, so here’s my response to you because I feel like you deserve one.
I don’t think he ever said that women need men to find God. In fact, I know he didn’t say that. If you’re in the Word, if you’re in a Christ-centered community, you’ll learn that men are responsible for leading. It’s not sexist. It’s not saying women can’t do it. It’s saying that it’s man’s ROLE. As for women, they must allow the man to lead and step up beside him. Notice that in Genesis when God created woman, He didn’t use part of man’s feet, He used man’s rib – right in the middle of his body. Women aren’t to be trampled on, they are to be respected, yes? I believe women should be held responsible for their spiritual walk, but in marriage, it’s the man’s responsibility to lead.
I am a women and I think Grant makes a point that isn’t spoken of often because of criticism. But hey, it’s the gospel and he’s spoken straight from the bible.
For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.
Ephesians 5:23 ESV
Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness. I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet. For Adam was formed first, then Eve; and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor. Yet she will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith and love and holiness, with self-control.
1 Timothy 2:11-15
To the woman he said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.”
Genesis 3:16
Check yourself…. and your bible 🙂
woops, that was supposed to be posted to an above comment, ignore! i’m sorry!
I recently read a blog post on Stuff Christians Like about Christian wing men. The post was supposed to be funny but many of the comments from single Christians were serious. I started to see a theme as many were saying the same thing. Single women were lamenting that Christian guys never ask them out / pursue them. The guys responded that the women have too high of standards and so the fear of rejection is just too much. It seems that the guys don’t believe that they are godly enough or could ever be godly enough.
Meanwhile, I’m 31 and single and I know I’m not the only one out there. I go to a fairly large church with a lot of other singles and yet I haven’t been asked out on a date by a guy since I was in college (I did get asked out by a guy’s mother for him but that’s another story). Where is the church failing to have so many singles who desire marriage but just can’t seem to find a godly spouse?
You said “He is a man that is trying to prolong responsibility…” Isn’t that “prolong adolescent”? He’s actually trying to avoid responsibility.
In the end, you’re exactly right, it all comes down to Jesus.
In a scan, I see many haters. Don’t let it get you down. The problem today is that many people are not looking for godly at all. They either don’t believe in a god or an abstract one molded into their image. It is rarely Christ. You have to begin with the assumption that the gospel is truth, Jesus is God, and our goal is to be like him. When I was a young adult, I looked for a Christian guy–not godly. Though I love my husband, marriage is often a struggle because he is not submissive to God at all. He is a good person. Not a godly leader and husband though. I hope my daughter finds a godly man. I will pass this post on to her because it is full of truth.
Pursue Jesus, absolutely! He should be first in any Christian’s life, but godly men should ALSO pursue godly women, when they meet the right one.
There is a large portion of adolescents in the church that are innocent concerning sexual relationships but still childish in their obsession of video games and other pleasures (as a distraction?). There is nothing wrong in a little fun, but when it prevents you from taking on responsibilities and growing up (working as needed, passing your classes, and preparing for the future), it becomes a problem.
God blessed me with a godly man that shows a good balance and pursued me even after I moved thousands of miles away from him. Don’t settle! Be the man/woman God wants you to be, and follow Him. HE will give you joy, whether He does it alone or through a spouse. God is faithful!
Great stuff! Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts.
I appreciate the comments because, as I was reading it, I was thinking, “This is a tad oversimplified.” Which is usually the case when discussing complex humans. I find myself to be a mix of all of the above. At times, YEAH, I like to be immature and playful like a kid (just look at my profile picture on Fbook – I’m dressed as Captain America – and the fact that I am a middle school teacher). I’m also confident and I’d probably be clumped into “Jock” because I’m a certified personal trainer. At the same time, I was raised right – to be a dang gentleman no matter what, say yes ma’am and no ma’am, etc., to treat women with respect and to defend them when someone takes advantage of them. Above all, I look to Jesus as my example and follow Him, and try to be the best little-Christ (what “christian” means) that I can…by following his lead.
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This is retarded. I feel sorry for American women.
Listen.. You need to get over it that not everybody believes in Jesus, not everybody believe in the Bible. In fact a lot of them countries belive in a different God or different religion or not at all. The world is huge not everybody thinks and believes the same stuff a Christian American believes. If you believe like that it’s fine and go ahead and follow it bit don’t expect every man to like you think they should be. If they don’t follow Jesus like you do it doesn’t mean they are bad guys at all. America is not the only country in the world and Christianity is not the only religion aswell. There’s more beliefs out there and everybody is free to believe whatever they want. If u lack of good will and good morals the u lack of human empathy. U don’t need religion to know what’s good or wrong. So any guy can be good or bad with religion or without religion. At last is the women’s choice to choose their best fit.
Just realized the audience meant in this blog are Christians and not everybody in the world. So pardon me and live your lifes as you may. Just make sure to be open minded and know that not everybody out there in America is Christian or follow Jesus. It will save you guys and girls a lot of trouble. Later peeps
I was expecting to like this article, but I ended up mostly annoyed at how it criticizes nice guys.
The author of this article makes a number of ludicrous assumptions:
1) That single men within the church have never considered looking at Jesus as an example of how to live their lives;
2) That being good and nice is incompatible with being godly;
3) That single men get their idea to be nice from the secular worldly culture;
4) That any single man in the church who wishes to have a wife someday must be putting the woman on a higher level of priority than God.
These assumptions would just be hilarious if they weren’t depressing, because I read them so often. Let’s look at these one by one.
1) Of course I want to be like Jesus. But Jesus didn’t marry. He never even courted a woman. Is the author of this article suggesting that no Christian men and women ever get married again? I don’t want to be like the worldly examples, but the church doesn’t do a very good job of teaching single men how to properly do these things.
2) Being humble, living sacrificially, forgiving others—these are all good and nice qualities. They’re also godly qualities. Jesus had them, too. The author claims that these are different from Jesus or wrong somehow, which flatly doesn’t even make sense.
3) Men don’t get their idea to be nice from the secular world; they get it from the church itself.
There are certain times when a man shouldn’t be “nice.” I think of Jesus overturning the tables in the temple, for instance. But how often have you heard a man in the church being told to be so bold and confident that he makes a scene in church, as opposed to being meek and humble?
(BTW, I haven’t seen “The Notebook,” but if that description is accurate, then Ryan Gosling’s character isn’t a nice guy anyway.)
The church wonders why there aren’t more men passionate for Jesus. Well, it’s largely because the church tells us to restrain our passions. As C.S. Lewis said, “We castrate the geldings and then bid them be fruitful.”
4) Desiring a wife does not automatically mean that a Christian man doesn’t care about God or doesn’t prioritize Him above everything else. I often hear, “Stop trying to fill that God-shaped hole in your life with a woman!” Well, I’m not. I already have God in my life. I’m trying to fill the *woman*-shaped hole in my heart.
We’re supposed to look for a job if we’re unemployed. We’re supposed to look for a car if we don’t already own one. Why is it wrong to look in this one area? Since when did it become more important for God to play matchmaker for us than anything else?
Of course we still seek God’s will about who we should or shouldn’t date. Of course we still pray. I’m not suggesting otherwise. But I’m tired of the assumption made by articles like this one that all single Christian men everywhere who want a mate must not care about God or prioritize Him in their lives at all.
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Wow…that’s all I’ve got. A great, and convicting piece on what kind of guy we should really be.
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Reblogged this on In the World and commented:
Love this! Totally Extraterrestrial 🙂 Where do we look for our model of behaviour and standards?
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Reblogged this on People Being Real and commented:
Nailed it.